Five key components to creating balance:

1. Learn to flow with life’s unexpected events
2. Identify the stressors in your life and what to do about them
3. Create better boundaries to keep things out of your life that aren’t necessary
4. Address any health issues and improve how you are taking care of yourself
5. Clarify your values. Know what is most important to you. Simplify and change according to your values.

A QUICK HISTORY ON LIFE-BALANCE

First, I want to share with you where this term life balance came from, and where we are as a nation when it comes to work-life blance.

The term work-life balance was first used in the late 1970′s to describe the balance between an individuals work and personal life. In the United States, the phrase started growing in the late 1980′s.

We used this term to separate the work life and home life but as time has gone on that separation has diminished and this subject has become very relevant to our lives. It may be an overused term and something that people have come to dislike. I like using the term Life Balance as opposed to work-life balance, because essentially in the end we are just talking about how to create balance in our lives and that includes work, home, family, relationships and health.

There has been a substantial increase in work over the last 25 years, which people feel might be due to the boom in information technology and an intense competitive work environment. Long-term loyalty and commitment is no longer a part of our culture.

In the 1950′s the idea that technology would eliminate most household chores and provide more time for leisure activities still seems to prevail. Yet, this has not come to fruition as we have just become a consumerist culture, always wanting to buy the latest gadget but not saving time for leisure and pleasurable activities. We just continue to distract ourselves with more things. And in the end, we have no more leisure time.

Instead, we have elevated our work ethic to great heights and often lowered the value on parenting and relationships.   Over the last 20 years we went from an average of working 43 hours a week, to 47 hours a week.  Many Americans believe that in order to get ahead in their jobs, they must work 70 hours a week.

However, our increase in work hours over the past two decades means that we have less time to spend with friends, family and the community as well as pursuing activities that we enjoy.  Studies have shown that our relationships and our connection to community is where we find happiness and satisfaction.

It is with no surprise that Americans report that they are experiencing burnout due to work overload and increased stress.  This stress occurs in nearly all occupations across the board.

We might be able to conclude that work expectations, responsibilities with our families and increasing technology have brought us into a high stress way of living. Women in particular feel stress related to the conflict between work and family. Men feel often that they can’t say enough is enough in the workplace, and will continue to work longer and harder than they really want to.  Many men feel a pull between their responsibliy as a provider and their responsibility at home. Nationally about 70% of us feel that our jobs are affecting our health.

I think we are in an interesting time with our national and worldwide economic challenges. We can use this time look at our spending, our consumerism and our values and we can create more balance by being honest about our lifestyles and what we most want.

However, our increase in work hours over the past two decades means that we have less time to spend with friends, family and the community as well as pursuing activities that we enjoy.  Studies have shown that our relationships and our connection to community is where we find happiness and satisfaction.

I found this quote by Martin Hayward.  “Our role models are all busy, busy, busy. The media portrays very important people as never having a spare moment. Our society has this belief that if you’re not busy, you’re not interesting.”

And another: “We try to possess too much, we have too many options that are too complex, and most of all we try to do too much. In the process there is too little time to think, too little energy left to enjoy.“-Richard Eyre

What is Life Balance for you?

I want you to close your eyes for just a minute and picture for me if you were to draw what Life Balance looked like-what would you draw?  What does life balance look like to you?

A good friend of mine who is also a coach, asked a group of women to draw life balance and they came up with pictures of scales and teeter totters. They drew the scales and teeter totters equally balanced.

What did you draw? Did it look anything like that?

Life balance is not a as static place to arrive. Understand that life balance is a verb not a noun.

Truly, life is a verb not a noun. Everything is always in motion. Life is always in action. It ebbs and flow. Our moods ebb and flow. Our energy ebbs and flows. Our relationships with others, ebbs and flows. Some days we like how we look, other days, not so much.

So our first step in creating balance is:

1. Learn to flow with the unexpected and life can have more balance. I like to think of life balance using the perspective of a sailboat.  Expect the wind, the tides and the weather to change your course daily. This can be very difficult for many of us. Understand that this act of acceptance and learning to flow might be a lifetime lesson for you. It certainly has been for me. However, over time I have gained some wisdom and the ability to adjust to the unexpected.

It does not mean that we don’t deal with issues or problems.  It isn’t a hippy mentality, “Oh just let it go.” It is more of an assessment of the situation, an awareness of where you are right now and a solution to deal with it the best you can. It means your boat doesn’t tip over, or if it does, you recover quickly.

There are somethings that I do let go of, but usually they are my ideas of how I wanted things to be, and clearly how they REALLY are is different. Sometimes, adjusting to this difference is really pleasant. It’s not all problematic.

BE PREPARED

Just like the boyscout motto says. Be prepared for the unexpected and you have a little more ease to create life balance. Sometimes, it takes a while to recover balance. You might be faced with something really big. You might be already low when a big things comes. Your boat might have already taken on water, and now you are facing another storm. All you can do, is your best. And some days your best is not as good as other days. But that is okay. Being prepared helps with doing your best.

PLOT YOUR COURSE

Know where you want to be so that you can continue to change your course, and make adjustments. Small adjustments are much easier then big ones.  Just like the tide changes, so does our life. I think one of the hardest thing for us is to accept change, and things going in a different direction then we wanted.  Sometimes those detours bring an opportunity and sometimes they are just a detour-just a part of life.

Be flexible while still keeping the vision of what is important to you. That is Life Balance.

Knowing your course keeps you moving towards it even when unexpected weather comes along.

Flow is the best way to have balance because it helps us accept what is.

It is impossible to go through life without expectations, just know that often it is the expectation that trips us up and creates imbalance MORE then the event itself.

And don’t forget that the events of our live may mold us, change us and define part of us, but they are NOT essentially who we are. They are just our experiences. Don’t over identify with your events. It makes them easier to let go of. When I went through cancer, I learned that while I was experiencing cancer, I was NOT cancer. Don’t overly define yourself by your challenges. They are just a part of the human journey.

Believe it or not, if you learn to flow with your life you actually have more control in your life, because you adjust to the changes, you make choices to adjust and you can recover MUCH quicker from challenges and events.  You basically get to re-plot your course. Sometimes we take on a lot of water when challenged. Have compassion for yourself and then carry on.

You start to see the world as less of a place “out to get you” and more of a world that is a unpredictable and a predictable place to live. You don’t have to make sense out of it all, you can allow insight to come when it does, you can dig and look further if you want, but there is no rule book that says you have to “get life” all of the time. Sometimes it takes us years to understand what kind of growth and learning came from a particular challenge.

Somethings just happen. You might find meaning in it, and you may not.  Be okay with both sides, and life flows with more ease.

The ability to find rewards in the events of each moment even if the moment is unexpected is a power that comes from within us. It takes practice, but you can do it.

I think it is impossible to not allow the outside world to influence our moods, ideas and opinions because we are all connected. However, the more you know where you stand, what you want, the easier it can be to not get swayed by everything around you. We will talk more about this when we talk about boundary management.

Before we leave this topic of Flow and Life Balance as a verb, let’s chat a quick moment about Time Management.  

I think Time Management has become another catch all phrase that often loses meaning the moment it is used.

I think that a better term is Time Awareness because it is about putting our attention on how we are using our time that matters most.  You can be very good about managing appointments, setting goals and accomplishing them. However, make sure that how you manage your time isn’t creating more imbalance and stress.

Are you putting things too close together, are you trying to do too much in one day?? Be aware that schedules are important and effective, but they can get easily sidetracked with the unexpected.

That is why I like to say, have a balance between your schedule, those events that require a time line and than also know that it may all get disturbed and you might have to switch your timing.  I have scheduled big busy days and then realized that my body and mind does not have the energy for the day I created. Instead of pushing myself through the day (and doing a lousy job), I have learned to take into account my energy and do something more realistic and attainable.  It parallels that idea of taking into account the weather. Always take into account your inner and outer surroundings.

Use a calendar, a schedule, a blackberry, your computer, pen and paper,whatever works for you. Just make sure it isn’t too complex and doesn’t become another stress in your life.

I use a simple planner book and put all my appointments in it. Every Sunday night, I sit down with my book and plan out my week. Somethings have priority, some don’t. I do my best with what I have mapped out. Usually, by the end of the week I have accomplished most things, but usually, they don’t really happen in the all the ways I planned for. But generally, I still plot my course and for the most part arrive close to where I planned.

2.Identify the stressor’s in your life and how to respond to them.

You may have stress that has to do with your role with Alzheimer’s and you may have stress that is separate from this role. Today, we are going to talk about both. I hope that you can begin to see or clarify which ones are causing you the most pain and identify some ways to change that.

We are all different in how we manifest and deal with stress. But stress is a universal experience. Stress is normal. So number one, stop judging your stress. Just look at today, without a bunch of noise and what you “should be doing.”

Look at your stress objectively and know that everyone here has probably something similar to your level of stress or your way of dealing with stress.

Often we feel stress when we try to adjust ourselves to fit in with our environment and others. Ever been at a job that didn’t fit you, or in a relationship that you didn’t love? Chances are you were trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t you-and trying to fit there, created stress. Ever walked away from a situation or relationship and felt stress release?

It is the way we respond to it that is so important. Recognition of stress is a major step so that we can put coping mechanisms into place to deal with it. Most of us know what are stresses are, however, we often don’t do anything about it. And that is usually because it is connected to a bad habit.

Stress needs an outlet. Often times we have bad habits because of stress. We need coping mechanisms to replace bad habits. Bad habits can be very hard to change because they are our one and only way to deal with stress!

There are many different types of stress:

• Mental Stress-thoughts that impose tension on our bodies
• Emotional Stress-feelings that go unexpressed or haywire that effects our heart and bodies.
• Relationship stress-inability to express well or have proper boundaries
• Physical stress-illness or disease
• Work stress-too much pressure, too many deadlines, issues that go unresolved, bad work environments (mentally, emotionally or physically)

When I look at the cancer I got at the age of 40. I realize that it was a combination of many things. But stress did play a big part. I have since learned to change my thought process and to express myself more openly and honestkt.

Our stresses might be acute or chronic. Learning how to release the energy and find positive outlets for stress is powerful. We all need gateways to release stress. Most of us aren’t even aware of what we are doing that is releasing stress.

Some people use alcohol, tobacco, overeating and sex. Others might have stress produced illness and injuries, overexertion as well as high risk behaviors. Believe it or not, over exercising can be an ineffective way to deal with stress.

Be aware of what sources of release you are using to deal with your stress. Do a habit assessment and consider where you are now. Accept your past and present habits and recognize that you can choose differently.

Realize some habits are rather harmless. If you eat chocolate every evening, or go to scary movies, or bounce on a trampoline-those are all pretty effective forms of releasing tension. Just be aware of how you are doing it. For me, I tend to overeat, or eat sweets as a way to deal with tension and stress. While I don’t love that about me, and I could lose some weight, I am also grateful that I don’t drink or smoke and have good health. Just put it all into perspective.

If you have a serious addiction, than realize you need not only support, but will need to find another tension releasing acitivity to replace your addiction.

Guilt and Anxiety

A woman I chatted with awhile back shared that she felt guilty when she was away from taking care of her father who had Alzheimer”s and then angry when she was with him because she felt she was missing out on her life. She was unhappy in either situation. She couldn’t find peace in either. This was a huge stress to her both mentally and emotionally.

One thing that you can do with worry and anxiety is to put your attention fully on where you are. I suggested to her that she devote 30 minutes a day to her father. FULL attention to him, without thinking about all the other things in her life. When she was away from him, I suggested that she put her full attention on what mattered most to her. If anxious or worry thoughts came to mind she was to gently push them aside and realize they were essentially a “lie” they were not helpful thoughts. If they did come up she was to remember her time with her father and how intentional it was. I followed up with her later and she told me she had much less anxiety and guilt as she felt her time with her father had improved.  She wasn’t so frustrated and angry and while she wasn’t sure if he could feel it, she certainly could. It helped her feel more loving to someone who had unfortunately (not his fault) forgotten her.

I think we are amazing at healing ourselves physically, emotionally and mentally. I also think that sometimes we need help. Knowing what kind of help will work for you is your responsibility.  I have been to about three different therapist during the last five years. Each for different reasons. After that experience, I am much more keen on what kind of person I want helping me. I have used medication and therapy to help me through periods in my life that were difficult and I do not view that as a failure.

Lastly when we talk about stress we must talk about the ROLES in your life as well.

Often times we need to re-define our roles to create less stress. If you sat down right now and wrote out all the roles you had in your life you would be surprised by all of them and understand that THIS is often the reason you feel stress.

Here are the roles I quickly jotted down that I have in my life right now:

Single Parent,  provider, coach, advisor, mentor, volunteer, presenter, home owner, dog owner, household manager, bookkeeper, cook, shopper, yard maintenance, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, girlfriend, dancer, writer, okay……..I got tired writing this list.

I think you can see how many we each have. Under each role is a job description. Not to mention the roles we carry in our jobs for pay.

A way to reduce stress is to look at each of these roles and re-define them. I have taken volunteer off of my list in the past year because of some life challenges and because I value raising my daughters and providing income more than other things right now. While I love to dance, I love writing more and so I give that role more attention. I am a simple cook and don’t make extensive meals. These are all my choices of how to redefine my roles. I may become more of a cook when my children are grown. Roles change.

We must give ourselves permission to change as needed. Just because you baked Grandma’s special bread every Thanksgiving doesn’t mean you have to do it now until the end of time. Give yourself permission to change your roles. And let the people in your life know you are doing it to create less stress and that in fact changes their time with you too.

3. Create Better boundaries

“Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices.”--Betty Jacobsen

Being good at boundary management is the KEY to life balance.

There are all kinds of boundaries to have in our lives. We need boundaries with ourselves and boundaries with others.

Knowing what you want and don’t want is powerful.  And if you are not sure about your boundaries then get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side, write What I Want and on the other side write, What I Don’t Want. And just let your mind go. You will begin to see clearly what your boundaries are by looking at what you don’t want.

Think of yourself as a house. Inside the house is where friends and family are invited; people who have to earn your trust and respect to come inside. If they are rude or invasive, they have to stay outside the fence. When you sense you are around someone who makes you feel “weird” then imagine your fence going up and keep them out.

People who have really good boundaries are some of the most open and loving people you will meet. They are not angry, they are just clear about their boundaries and they don’t back down.

Keeping good boundaries means repetition. If anyone has ever dealt with a young child, you will know that they will keep asking. If you change your tact and say yes, then they know they can penetrate your reserve and they will try again and again to get you back down. Adults are the same, you have to show persistence and consistency to change boundaries with others.

Boundaries with others can be complex and difficult.

However, the basics of creating a boundary is a simple four step process. 1. State the problem. 2. State the change of behavior you expect. 3. Re-state the problem. 4. Walk away if needed. (Always keep an even calm tone. If you get angry, stop and try again later.) You may need to repeat this process with the same person and the same issue several times before the behavior has changed.

It is NEVER TOO LATE to change your boundaries.

Never, ever, let yourself be abused.  Seek help immediately if you find yourself in an abusive relationship.

Allowing others to erode our boundaries is hugely damaging to our hearts, minds, bodies and spirits.

Here are some examples of areas of your life to practice boundaries:

1.      Say no to a volunteer opportunity. (I am all for volunteering, but not if your family needs you or you have already said yes to two others).

2.      Don’t allow others to tease you, belittle you are make fun of you. Tell them to stop.

3.      When people ask you to do something tell them you need to think about it and you will get back to them. Don’t yes right off the bat.

4.      Stop filling your plate with too many things to do. If you empty your plate, don’t fill it up again quickly!

5.       Teach people to appreciate your time.

6.      Prioritize your hobbies and leisure activities. Pick one, maybe two things to focus on. Put the rest away for later.

7.      Clean up your clutter. Believe it or not, clearing clutter clears boundaries and puts us into closer contact with what is most important.

8.      Don’t be permissive to your children or your partner. No means no, stick to your guns.

9.      Guard your time like a watchdog. Don’t let meaningless tasks drag on that you have no interest in.

10.  Watch less television. Television violates our boundaries and our time. Use it sparingly and appreciate it when you turn it on.

11.  Let go of relationships that are bringing you down and are harmful to you.

12.  Stop mothering people who don’t appreciate it and should be doing their own work.

13.  Don’t hang out with difficult people when you are tired or need more tenderness. Tell them you are sick and go to bed.

14.  Don’t give people too much information about you. If they are a close friend, let them in. Keep your private life, private. Share with people when you want to, but never feel obligated to share.

15.  There is no need to include a long explanation when you say no.  No is enough.

16.  Stop apologizing for things out of your control or aren’t your fault.

17.  If you have difficult family members that you can’t end the relationship with, then work towards protecting yourself better. Just because they are family doesn’t give them permission to run your life. You can still be kind, but be very firm.

“We suffer the stress of infinite opportunity: There are so many things that we could do, and all we see are people who seem to be performing at star quality. It’s very hard not to try to be like them. The problem is, if you get wrapped up in that game, you’ll get eaten alive. You can do anything–but not everything. The universe is full of creative projects that are waiting to be done. So, if you really care about quality of life, if you want to relax, then … control your aspirations. That will simplify things. Learning to set boundaries is incredibly difficult for most people.“–David Allen

4. Address any health issues and improve how you are taking care of yourself

Make time for your body, your mind, your emotions and your soul.

You can’t take care of others to your full capacity if you don’t take care of yourself first.

Most of us know that when we fly on a plane we are instructed to put the oxygen mask on adults first, then children.  Take care of yourself before you invest lots of energy in others. Eat well, rest well and live well.

Are you due an annual dental cleaning, do you need your blood pressure checked, are you taking the right supplements or eating the foods best for your body?

Changing health does not have to be a huge drastic movement, but one that you take step by step. Health for me is not big fancy gyms, it is a daily walk with my dog, yoga stretches, vitamins and trying to eat lots if lean protein and vegetables. Everyone has their own definition of health. Start where you are and move forward.

“Those who are caught up in the busy life have neither the time nor quiet to come to understand themselves and their goals. Since the opportunity for inward attention hardly ever comes, many people have not heard from themselves for a long, long time. Those who are always ‘on the run’ never meet anyone any more, not even themselves.“-Robert Bank

5. Clarify your values. Know what is most important to you.

Simplify and keep things in and out of your life more of your own choosing.

To fill out a value clarification sheet go to www.journeyway.com and under the free tool bar download worksheet. Walk through that exercise and you will discover if you are living according to your values.  It takes time and effort to align actual behavior with values.

When you know what you value, it becomes easier to chart your course, and to move towards that destination. Think of that sailboat. If you value independence, then what actions and choices in your life contribute to that?  If you value service the same questions apply. How are you directing your life towards those values?

AND FINALLY

Simplify your life. Live according to your values and what you deem important. Connect to others that matter to you. Express yourself honestly and with humor. Be as strong as you can during your challenges. Ask for help, and if you don’t like the help you received, ask for help again. Don’t give up.

Continue to remember that Life Balance is a journey, a verb, one of our experiences of being human.

Be kind to yourself and those around you while being clear about your boundaries. Acknowledge your stress and do what you can to change  it. Take good care of your body, your mind, your emotions. Those around you will benefit from you taking care of yourself. We forget how much we model behavior to others. You may be the first one in your family to create balance but it is contagious. Those around you will want to know what you are doing differently and you then will become the expert on life balance and share your own wisdom and keys to success.

Thanks again. And take care.

This summer I found myself dealing with unwanted change and unfortunately depression soon followed it. This forced me to re-evaluate and re-direct my energy. No matter how many times I go through tough challenges I have come to understand that CHANGE IS LIFE and that I always eventually adapt. Sometimes, I just don’t like it and am not very gracious about it’s presence in my life.

The five stages of grief do come into effect with the big life changes and they are not to be denied or swept away. Change can make you cranky, tired, depressed as well as energized and ready to try new things.

It is helpful to find value and meaning within the experience. Either way, life changing events pull us to grow and often more then we want, to accept and adapt.

Useful tips when it comes to change:

• Let go of what “was” even when you don’t know what “is” yet.
• Remind yourself that often your life choices led you to the change you are experiencing.
• Change often leads to bigger and better things (even when you can’t see it or don’t want to hear it!)
• Change is always happening but we mostly notice it when we are forced to do new things.
• Accept where you are.
• Create forward motion, one step at a time.
• Realize it is OK that you might not have the answers because maybe you haven’t ever had THIS challenge before.
• Accept responsibility for your actions and be kind to yourself.
• Change is the vehicle for growth and it is simply a part of the human experience.

For the last few years I have been coming more into my own power. This process has been huge for me personally. What does that mean? Coming into my own power?

It simply means that I am learning to trust myself and make decisions based on what I know to be best for myself. Each person is a complex web of interior forces. I have certainly been confused understanding my own interior self. The more energy and awareness I spend understanding my personality, life goals and challenges, the closer I get to making decisions that are best for me–and not being swayed by other’s thoughts and opinions.

In the past, I used to allow others authority over my own reality and perceptions which often left me with more confusion, doubt and self-judgment. Occasionally, I still see myself allowing others authority, but I am quicker to see how much others sway me, and readjust to my own interior truth.

This past weekend I found myself dealing with a very angry neighbor. She had an opinion about choices I made. I listened to her, and was swayed by her opinion. I felt bullied by her anger and I was upset by our interaction. I realized about 6 hours later, that my truth did not align with hers, and her energy was not about me. In the end, I regained my balance, while still understanding her unique perspective.

Be certain that you’ll be challenged by the outside world’s logic—which won’t work for you time and time again. It takes a fair amount of self-awareness and stamina to listen to your own inner guidance about what is best for you. It takes practice but over time, I have come to understand that I don’t owe anyone an explanation of myself when I am being directed from the inside. I have come to understand that the world behind my eyes, the experiences that I have and the thoughts that I come up with have more authority for me when what the world says it is possible to experience.

I know that in order to have this authority, my internal sense of self needs to have a strong and courageous backbone from which to view my own self and direction. It takes self worth and valuing my own path in order to allow this to truly manifest fully.

Some days, when I am challenged by another’s perception of my life, I know that if I just give myself some time to listen to my own self–while still listening to them–I am directed by a power within that has wisdom, humor and the ability to change, moment to moment.

Sandra Wood works with women who want a life of empowerment and self worth. She teaches women how to create powerful boundaries, deepen their own awareness and have the courage to use their personal strengths learned through experience and self wisdom.

Technorati Tags: inner guidance, life goals, self doubt, self-empowerment, life coach, self worth

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A few weeks back, I had a wonderful comment on my website from an individual that had read my previous article about depression. The enclosed comment got me to thinking more about depression, and rather than posting a very long reply to this wonderful comment, I decided to blog post this exchange.

My own experience with depression has made me see it as a blessing rather than a burden. Depression has led me to rearrange my inner map from time to time, and the most severe bouts with depression have come when I needed to change the most. I have gone from being a very selfish, cold, self-centered person, to being one that is capable of love, vulnerability, and far less fear. Life seems far more complex and sacred now that I see a spiritual reality sustaining the world we live in. Sadly, when I try to explain it to others they think I’m a bit off. Recently, a young member of our family was diagnosed with depression, and I have insisted that the family not pathologize his condition. I’m not sure the rest of the family believes me–they are so sure that we have bad genes–but perhaps books like “The Depression Advantage” will help change that.

Thank you for your wonderful comments. I have also come to see depression as a reminder that some things in my life want my attention. Often times, it is a simple reminder to be gentle with myself, but to also create some movement and to realize that I have control over what kind of energy I can create. I can’t “will” myself out of depression, but through awareness I can make things happen. These days, I can feel a simple hint of that energy, and I know it is a good time to readjust.

For me, depression has been a reminder to express myself honestly, both with myself and with others. It is true, one must be capable of being vulnerable, walking forth even when fear is there, and learning what love means to them. And yes, I agree-life IS far more complex and sacred than we think. Once we begin to realize that, I think everything then simplifies! To just know that you aren’t going to know everything, get everything, or understand everything-is truly a relief.

It is unfortunate that when we see our family tendencies, genetic pre-dispositions and traits, that we give up. Each person’s depression is as unique as who they are. To think that we are just like our family and that we must suffer like others is truly unnecessary. So often, we only see our challenges as something to get over, move past, and be ashamed of.

Our challenges are almost always a gateway into discovering something more amazing, unique and beautiful about our journey. Depression and cancer (another challenge of mine) usually are only seen as enemies to defeat. With that kind of attitude, we only war with ourselves. I like to call these challenges, Dark Gifts………ones I will never deny as unique and helpful. They might have been difficult, but they were gifts, not enemies to contend with, and certainly not some sort of “sentence” of how my life will be from now until my death.

Each day, we get to choose what kind of awareness, light, love and wisdom we want to employ. So often, we forget again and again how amazing the human journey really is. I am reminded myself each time depression peaks its head into my energy-that I have power over a life that is expansive and even with heavy energy in my life-it does not have to define who I am.

Thank you again for your wisdom, I wish you and your family well.

Sandra Wood works with women who want a life of empowerment and self worth. She teaches women how to create powerful boundaries, deepen their own awareness and have the courage to use their personal strengths learned through experience and self wisdom.

Technorati Tags:depression, genetic predisposition, cancer, self-expression, life coach

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I am in the process of writing a book that addresses the inner conflicts women have and what the path to self empowerment really means. This book is written for women typically ages 40-65 who are learning how to come into their power, use their gifts and are willing to be courageous enough to make the changes in their life that lead them to their highest self.

For many women, by the time they have raised their children, identified and moved through marital issues, and probably struggled through some physical illness of some sort – they have arrived in a place of letting go of the need to be understood and accepted by everyone else. Women are ready to drop the seemingly meaningless tasks of their life and put a focus on the things that matter most to them.

Women are relational and so we are often hyperaware of everyone else and too often we can lose awareness of our own needs. Sometimes we do this because we gain joy from serving others, but more often than that we do it because we think we need to adjust our own reality to fit in with others. And in this process, it is very easy to lose connection with self. We can often think that our value is only judged by our actions of how we take care of others. Women need to be gently reminded that their value and self worth has nothing to do with what they do for others. They simple are enough without having to do anything.

It seems like we are all looking for sources of information that help us feel validated and understood. In my practice and in my life in general I have several women who want to talk about where they are now and what it is they most want out of their life. They are realizing that it is worth the risk to change and walk through fear in order to do the things that seem the most important. Each woman defines this uniquely. Some decide to leave relationships that have no more possible growth, others might dedicate themselves to a new career path – based on their values and feelings of life purpose – rather than on money or the need to please family.

Often I find that women want to pose powerful questions to themselves in order to figure out how to move forward in their process. A typical question I notice women asking themselves is, “What is ONE thing I can do in my life that will make the biggest difference right now?” They intuitively know that the path to self discovery is often best met with small steps of caring actions toward self.

I know for myself, I spent a fair amount of my 20’s and 30’s thinking that it mattered what others thought of me, and thinking that I had to do everything by myself and that is was a weakness to ask for help. In my 40’s I have learned that NOT asking for support does not nurture and I am not serving myself with compassion and care when I think I need to do everything without help. Women come to coaching often because they realize that they are worth the investment and are ready to stop feeling guilty for tending to their own needs.

With two teenage daughters at home, I am very motivated to deepen this understanding and to put into action what I most know about self empowerment. I certainly want my daughters to pursue a life where they are pleasing themselves and serving their own inner purpose, thus making a profound difference in the lives of others that they touch.

I feel very compelled to write about self compassion, boundaries and awareness as tools to help women understand more about how to use their energy in positive and powerful ways. It is imperative that we all share our wisdom and experiences as ways to support each other. Hopefully, my book will give other women the extra encouragement and awareness they might need in order to go live the life of their own making.

Sandra Wood works with women who want a life of empowerment and self worth. She teaches women how to create powerful boundaries, deepen their own awareness and have the courage to use their personal strengths learned through experience and self wisdom.

Technorati Tags:women’s empowerment, women’s career, women’s freedom, women’s self worth, life coaching

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This past week I had the wonderful opportunity to sit and listen to my 12 year old daughter present a student self evaluation at her school. She attends a wonderful experiential, private school that is geared towards developing her character, her intellect and her creativity. (Foothills School of the Arts and Science) This school uses an inquiry based curriculum in which they promote the idea that asking questions is a powerful way to learn.

I have spent a far amount of my life asking questions. To some of my close friends, they will chuckle reading this, as often I will start my sentences with, “I have a question….” However, I have found questions to be a wonderful vehicle to help me explore ideas, themes, emotions, thoughts, and spiritual perspectives from a place of playfulness and introspection.

Seeing that my 12 year old has developed this in all areas of her learning has been such a gift. She is articulate, intelligent and very perceptive because of her educational process of asking questions.

I can’t help that I ask a lot of questions, and I can’t help addressing questions to some of my clients. I don’t have the answers, only that I know the question itself is a tool to deepen awareness. If I don’t get attached to finding an answer, I find more information is discovered and this is very compelling to me. Questions motivate me to get clear about what it is that I know, what it is that I want to say, and what it is that I don’t know!

The question itself often pushes me to find an answer, but more often it moves me in a direction which inspires me. I love to dig deeper and I like to ask others to help me shine more insight into what it is that I am playing with.

One thing my daughter shared in her conference was that the reason she likes to ask questions is that there are no right answers. And in dialoguing with her classmates, she not only hears her own thoughts, but the thoughts of others. This expands her own understanding and she feels even more interested by the topic at hand. What a wonderful way to engage in the educational process.

In Math, there are right and wrong answers, but in the deep questions about life itself – our answers are just as unique as we are. While we need some consistent rules and laws about life, I think that we also need mystery, contemplation and exploration just as much.

I am delighted that my daughter knows it is okay to ask questions. At her young fresh age she feels inspired and engaged in her world. I hope that we all follow the lead of being inquisitive, and allow ourselves to continue asking OUR most important questions, whatever they may be.

Sandra Wood is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC. She coaches individuals who are struggling with relationships and career and want a balanced and empowered life.

Technorati Tags:awareness, inquiry, insight, inquiry based education, life coaching, foothills school of arts and sciences

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“At the still point of the turning world…
there the dance is…
Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.”
(T.S. Eliot)

Awareness is like a never ending deepening pool. It isn’t mysterious, but it often feels complicated to me. It is simply where you put your attention and what you see there. Often, sometimes what I see there confuses me. There are too many characters!

One thing that I have learned is that the best way to approach awareness is from a space of non-judgment. Sometimes this is difficult for me. It usually isn’t my challenges that present the problem; it is my self-judgment that creates internal noise, and all the internal selves reacting and responding to my life events. I am often challenged by belief systems, old hurts and patterns that often muck up the waters of clear awareness.

Today in my weekly Sunday dance class it was suggested by the facilitator that we realize how often our bodies change movement according to the mood and energy of the music we are listening to. I have played with this idea often while dancing, sometimes slowing myself during intense rhythm in order to find another way of being with the vibrant beat of the music.

I have noticed in my life how easily swayed I can be by the external “music” – grumpy children, financial concerns, a sad friend… All these things can easily sway me into a place where I am dancing to music that I don’t want to. Add these challenges to that inner choir or critical “selves” that reside within me, and I am certainly in a space of feeling overwhelmed. However, often, I begin to realize that while there is a noisy chorus of emotions and thoughts, there is a place that is not swayed by the music.

Somewhere within me is a self, a presence, that doesn’t fall over with the intense music of life. If I did not have this presence, I think I would stay stuck in self- judgment and all the events of my life. I can’t really see her as readily as I can see other parts of myself because she is much quieter and often gets overshadowed. However, I think she is the strongest part of who I am.

Sometimes, I just happen upon her and discover her complete lack of concern for my life conditions. She doesn’t care if my house is clean, if anyone else around her is happy, if the day is cloudy or sunny. She is simply there, timeless, and expansive in her ability to be present to all that life is at that moment. I am grateful for her presence. She reminds me that all of life is changing, ever evolving and can never be counted on to be a particular way. I find sanctuary in her presence, knowing that there is nothing to do, to get, to understand in order for me to exist, in order for me to be okay. She reminds me that I am okay, regardless of the conditions of my life and how “well” I am handling them. Many people would label her my Higher Self, or my Authentic Self. It isn’t important to me what I call her, only that she is there. It is so easy to forget her. However, when I remember to shine my light of awareness deep down into the mucky muck of my interior landscape, I see her steadfastness and her quiet love. Even if it is for a fleeting moment, I am able to remember her. It is a gift to be aware, and one that I know I will journey with all my years on this planet. I take it light, and I take it deep, and I am ever so grateful that this quiet presence remains my constant companion.

Sandra Wood is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC. She coaches individuals who are struggling with relationships and career and want a balanced and empowered life.

Technorati Tags:Being Centered, Authentic Self, Dancing, Awareness, Life Coaching, Still Point, T.S. Elliot

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As a life coach I have taught and worked with many tools that revolve around the concept of how to create life balance. I have found this landscape to be tricky and I have continued to play with and try new things. There are many ways one can look at life balance. You can look at your roles, responsibilities, values and vision as effective ways to map out and see how to redefine time management.

Lately, I was struck by a suggestion from Thomas Leonard and his top 10 keys for attracting great clients. His number one suggestion is this; “Become incredibly selfish! Yes, it’s ironic, but as you take care of yourself, manage your time, your space, and your life well, you will have more to give and more to share. If you want more clients, take extremely good care of Client #1.”

So, as I really let that awareness filter in, I started to come I came up with this model that would be simple and yet work for me. It is a three tiered model and it works something like this:

Top Tier: Is fundamentally a tier of self care. In being aware of how I flow my energy and manage my schedule, I am in fact taking great care of all parts of myself. This tier includes a focus on how I am taking care of my body. Am I taking nutrients? Am I exercising? Am I sleeping solid hours? Do I wake up refreshed? Without my body in tip top shape, it is hard to move myself through the day with focus, energy and vision.

I have come to realize that my finances also come under this tier. In managing my income and expenditures, I have more awareness of how money is flowing. Being realistic about this area of my life gives me greater ease. In the past, I would have put managing my money lower on the tier scale-which in the past has created more stress and less connection to how I am doing financially.

The top tier also includes my spiritual, emotional and mental development as well. I can easily scan my life and know if any of these areas are not being nourished. Am I feeling isolated? Do I simply just need some time with a good friend? Or is it time to take a walk alone by the river?

Self care is about manifesting creative outlets, fun and expression as well. And because the spiritual side of me is truly the focus, I include my Life Purpose in here as well. It helps me remember that I can achieve that purpose if I have extreme self care. The last most important piece to all of this for me is Passion. It is important to consistently remind myself WHAT I am most passionate about, what I dream and envision for myself and to go play with those ideas and expressions.

The key for me in top tier management is always being aware of my body. Without it, I have no vehicle from which to express myself.

Second Tier: This tier is about relationships. The relationships in my life are mostly centered around parenting my two daughters. Yet, it also includes friends, family, co-workers and clients. For others, this may include your spouse, close sibling, parent, etc.

In this tier I know that my support team lies here. It has helped me in the last year to really define what relationships matter the most to me, and to give them time. However, they can’t prevail over Tier 1, because I have to take care of myself before I can really be present and supportive of others.

Third Tier:The third tier revolves around work and career. It is where I utilize what I am good at and create abundance for myself and others. It also includes my service and volunteer time to the community. Each person will describe their work and career differently. However, it is where we invest most of our time in this society. I needed a perspective on this tier, because often I make it be my number one priority, while neglecting self care. It has been important for me to realize that my work will always be there. I can pick it up when I need to, but also put it down when it is time to re-charge.

All these tiers are interconnected and if I drew it out on a whiteboard, I would see how they all support each other. For example, being successful in my career (Tier 3) helps me manage my finances which supports Tier 1. Get the idea? Can’t have one without the other!

However for me the bottom line is without self care, I don’t manage my life very well. And so I see a need to retrain my patterns, habits and thoughts to think self care FIRST, and then the second and third tiers can come into line.

In looking at it from this perspective then I can see where the holes are and what areas in the first tier need improvement. That means working closer with an accountant, and getting a solid exercise plan in action. It also means that I need more help in tier one. I have struggled with getting healthy consistent food in my house. I finally hired a personal shopper to get that part done. She is saving me money (too many trips to Albertsons) and time.

It takes awareness to know what areas of your life are noisy and are creating a road block. This system of evaluating where I am at, and what I need to do about it, seems to work for me.

When it comes to achieving some sort of life balance, each person will need to find out what will work for them. I heard a woman once say that she felt that life balance was simply approaching life from a positive perspective. I like that, and feel that for now, this system of managing my energy, time and attention, seems to be the most positive focus I can take for truly living that life of passion, freedom and purpose.

Sandra Wood is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC. She coaches individuals who are struggling with relationships and career and want a balanced and empowered life.

Technorati Tags: Life Coaching, Life Balance, Managing Career, Creating Wealth, Managing Finances, Self Care, Time Management, Thomas Leonard

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About four years ago I read a book titled, When the Body Says No, by Gabor Mate’ M.D. I wanted to understand the physical, emotional and spiritual components behind the breast cancer I was dealing with at the time, and this book offered me a wonderful new perspective on disease.

The book changed many things for me, but more importantly exposed me to the idea that I did not really understand what stress was. Sure, I would say I was stressed by my life, but truly, WHAT did that mean? What was stress? What was I doing in my life that created stress? And how did this link in with my cancer?

Gabor Mate’ says in his book that “The biggest stressors we have in our lives are emotional. The nature of stress is not always the stuff that people think of. It’s not the external stress of war or money loss or somebody dying. It is actually the internal stress of having to adjust oneself to somebody else. The inability to process and express feelings effectively, and the tendency to serve the needs of others before considering one’s own, are common patterns in people who develop chronic illness.”

When I read those lines, I began to realize that my coping styles represented a blurring of boundaries between myself and others. I was ALWAYS trying to adjust my inner reality with those outside of myself. THIS was my stress. This created much confusion internally, and that translated into my whole self: cells, tissues and body organs included.

I would never say that I “gave” myself cancer. I believe that disease has no single cause. It can be a combination of things: environment, genes, but more importantly I think that how we deal with our emotions tip us in the direction of disease if we are not aware of them. My co-dependent behaviors led me to act in a way that was not my true nature. Because of my lack of relating to others in a more healthy way, I was in a sense waging war against myself.

I get irritated easily with people that are overly positive sometimes. I have come to realize that my irritation comes from knowing that often positive people are truly not REALLY feeling positive. They are projecting what they think the world wants them to be. Repressing emotions and non expression is a very quick way to create dis-ease in the body. Genuine positive thinking includes all aspects of our reality: the good, the bad and the ugly! Because in order to heal we have to gather the strength to see what ALL of our life includes. Some of that is negative.

In being honest and real about your life experiences, you begin to see what is NOT working, and from there you can begin to create new solutions. I have found it very beneficial to allow myself to ask questions and I find I am looking at my life more honestly. These questions and what arises from asking them, give me vital information. Gabor Mate’ says that “A lack of essential information about ourselves and our situation is one of the major sources of stress.”

It takes guts to be willing to look at your life and make changes that are best for your internal and essential self. Sometimes those outside of you have no understanding of your choices, and in their fear will project that onto you. In letting go of needing to fix others, or monitor yourself based on their vision of you – you essentially remove a load of self inflicted stress.

Being able to express myself during these changes has been challenging for me. I like to make others happy, I don’t like to make waves, and I want people to like me! However, in my healthy changes I strive to express myself with words, art and movement and to stop defining myself based on others. I create ease when I do this.

To me it certainly seems like stress is an internal issue. With increased awareness and acceptance we can monitor and reduce the stress that is created by shifting our frame of thought and how we manage our lives. While we cannot control many of the events outside of us and the people in our lives, we certainly can control our stress.

By changing our minds about how we live and treating ourselves with tenderness, slowly the light of awareness and humor shines showing us how truly amazing we really are. By allowing ourselves a place to express all that good, bad and ugly, the beauty of us begins to shine forth and no longer are we trying to adjust ourselves to others. We then can begin to reduce stress and live a life of greater ease, on all levels.

Sandra Wood is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC. She coaches individuals who are struggling with relationships and career and want a balanced and empowered life.

Technorati Tags: Life Coaching, Breast Cancer, Stress, Co-dependence, Emotions, Emotional Expression, Gabor Mate, Disease, Positive Thinking

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I have spent the last four years traveling through many different modalities of healing to deepen my understanding of self. I have watched and noticed the same question arise as I have worked with counselors, healers and intuitive advisors. While I have learned a tremendous amount about myself through my work with them, I continue to listen to a familiar thread. That voice within me persists to point to my own wisdom as a far more solid place to build my life upon. When I rely too much on my advisors or healers, I am in fact creating what I most am working to avoid, co-dependence.

I have always pondered how to avoid co-dependent behavior while still being able to connect and find support through my relationships with others. To me, this is a very fine line and one I have to continually watch myself walk.

Throughout my life I have given much of my own power away when I allowed another person’s input or concept of what my journey to authentic self meant. In teaching boundary classes to our local community, I am consistently showing others how much we invade each other’s realities by assuming that we know what another person is thinking and feeling.

In our society these days, we as a collective are becoming much more intuitive. I, myself, have gained much understanding and awareness through my own growing intuition. What continues to surface is this question: Is it TRULY helpful to point out and show others deeper things about themselves if they themselves have not arrived at that understanding? And are we adding in our own interpretation when we give others our insight into their reality?

This question has me probing into the meaning of “healer” and wondering if we assume too much when we think that others are “broken” and need to be fixed. Isn’t the human journey very much about discovering who we are through our less than perfect experiences?

For me personally, I have found that when I am reaching to “fix” another person, I am in fact gaining power through the vision that I am “helpful” and I use that to make myself feel good. Of course serving others is powerful and what we humans typically strive to do. However, reflecting on our intention is a way for us to see what we are trying to fix outside of ourselves. Often times, I discover that human suffering is our path to healing and when we jump in and give others too much of our interpretation we in fact derail them from arriving at the destination that they were choosing.

I continue to arrive again and again in a place where I let go of needing others to tell me what my authentic self knows and how I should proceed forward with my life. In trusting my own imperfect interpretation of my life as flawed as it might be, at least it is my own. This gives me a deeper sense of self confidence and perhaps this is the true path to discovering my authentic self. I am most curious to discover if other healers and intuitive advisors have questioned this within themselves as well when they are working with others. The internal landscape of each person is so vast and intricate – I only hope that we can become more sensitive and aware that each person has their own answers, as I am discovering within myself.

Sandra Wood is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC. She coaches individuals who are struggling with relationships and career and want a balanced and empowered life.

Technorati Tags: Life Coaching, Boundaries, Personal Power, Authentic Self, Intuition

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