Change always happens, but often times the movement of change is subtle and unnoticeable in our daily routines and distractions of daily living. Sometimes it comes in happy forms such as a new baby, a new home, or an exciting relationship. However, when change comes in the form of illness, accidents, job loss or changing relationships, we view it as more of a challenge, and often can be stuck, depressed, angry and not sure of what to do next.

This summer I found myself dealing with unwanted change and unfortunately depression soon followed it. This forced me to re-evaluate and re-direct my energy. No matter how many times I go through tough challenges I have come to understand that CHANGE IS LIFE and that I always eventually adapt. Sometimes, I just don’t like it and am not very gracious about it’s presence in my life.

The five stages of grief do come into effect with the big life changes and they are not to be denied or swept away. Change can make you cranky, tired, depressed as well as energized and ready to try new things.

It is helpful to find value and meaning within the experience. Either way, life changing events pull us to grow and often more then we want, to accept and adapt.

Useful tips when it comes to change:

• Let go of what “was” even when you don’t know what “is” yet.
• Remind yourself that often your life choices led you to the change you are experiencing.
• Change often leads to bigger and better things (even when you can’t see it or don’t want to hear it!)
• Change is always happening but we mostly notice it when we are forced to do new things.
• Accept where you are.
• Create forward motion, one step at a time.
• Realize it is OK that you might not have the answers because maybe you haven’t ever had THIS challenge before.
• Accept responsibility for your actions and be kind to yourself.
• Change is the vehicle for growth and it is simply a part of the human experience.

Do you ever get the feeling that your life is filled with a jumbled mix of events, challenges and experiences? Is there any connection to each of these things? Lately, I have been asking myself if I can see connection to all the things I choose to do in my life.

There are some basic themes that I am well aware of. But, sometimes there are little things in my life that I am not sure exactly why I placed them there.

One thing I have found helpful is to really look at all the things I have brought into my life and question if I see any “themes” presenting themselves. Is my life connected, or is it filled with relationships and tasks that don’t necessarily have meaning?

Lately, I have seen more connectedness to my choices even when I did not really think some of them out. This past week I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by a volunteer position that I took on with the Junior League. I wondered why I had made a choice to be a co-chair of a committee that requires a fair amount of work when I am a single mom and self employed. (What the heck was I thinking?) While I was lamenting this, a quick insight popped in and I realized that the program I am helping organize with Junior League aligns with my higher life purpose.

The program that I assist with is called, Especially Me. It is a self esteem program for girls ages 9 to 12. My purpose with my career is to help women who are struggling with relationships and career and want a balanced and empowered life. The Especially Me program is designed to help empower young girls with information about puberty and their own abilities to make positive choices. So as I connect my dots, it helps me to accept and engage in this volunteer position.

It is a great question to ask oneself if all the tasks, roles and relationships in your life, align with your values, purpose and desires. Asking yourself what your motivation is behind activities and events is a powerful way to discover if you are engaging in things that matter to you.

What dots connect for you? And are there some meaningless meandering dots that simply don’t fit and could be removed?

While being a volunteer for Junior League isn’t always my favorite thing to do (sorry to my fellow volunteers!) I can’t help forget the face of a 10 year old girl this summer when she handed me proudly a homemade gift she made at the conclusion of our Especially Me class. She was a great reminder that I am connecting my dots and making a difference not only to her, but to my own values.

See what momentum you have created. Do the dots connect? If so…celebrate and enjoy! If not…make the changes that lead you to living a life of your own choosing. If you don’t connect the dots, no one else will.

Sandra Wood is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC. She coaches women who are struggling with relationships and career and want a balanced and empowered life.

Technorati Tags:Life Coaching, Life Choices, Life Purpose, Junior League, Especially Me, Womens Empowerment, Self Esteem

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I have spent my entire life being the kind of person that says things she probably shouldn’t say, who often talks too much, and discloses much personal information. However, with that flaw, has come a great gift, I am willing to talk about things that many people hide and pretend don’t exist.

What most Life Coaches won’t tell you is that they struggle profoundly with all the same life issues that their clients do. Most Life Coaches have amazing gifts in awareness, intuition and practical approaches to everyday problems. THAT is great! However, it doesn’t mean that they don’t struggle with depression, self judgment, relationship problems or financial issues of their own. I have always felt open to my clients in sharing my experiences, but I never wanted to convey many of my struggles for I did not want them to think I was incompetent.

As I sat with a young client of mine earlier this week, she shared her reluctance to end our coaching sessions as she was unsure of how to keep the positive momentum going without coaching. I realized that it was important for me to help her continue to create support in her life. I offered her a lower coaching rate to work with her budget, to help her keep the feeling of support in her life. As I sat and talked with her, I realized that I had not created the same thing for myself.

One of the gifts of being a coach is that you have an opportunity to grow in all the ways that you see your clients growing. I used to think that I had to be perfect and have a complete handle on all the things my clients presented me with. Well……this was unrealistic and I put far too much pressure on myself with these thoughts.

After meeting with my young client, I started to re-evaluate the support I have in my life. I realized that I had neglected myself. Independence and self sufficiency is a powerful tool and important for us all, however learning to create support that works takes tenacity and a deepened sense of self appreciation and love.

Frankly, it takes a ton of tenacity and an intelligent mind to stay in the field of personal growth in general. For me, I am allowing myself the freedom to truly let others know that while I think I am amazing at what I do with people, I am still challenged in my own life.

I know for me, being honest about my imperfections and the pitfalls of being a coach is a way for me to embrace my challenges while not hiding them from those that truly do care. And perhaps this actually helps others realize that we ALL are imperfect, we all struggle, and that sharing how we deal with our challenges is the most helpful thing of all.

Sandra is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC. She coaches people though life challenges and inspires individuals to travel their inner path where healthy change and balanced living is achieved.

Technorati Tags:Life Coaches, Depression, Personal Growth, Self Growth

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By far the biggest lesson in my life has been learning not only how to have boundaries but learning what the heck boundaries are! Most people think of boundaries as a place where they learn to say no more often then saying yes.

As I have spent the last three years exploring my own boundaries, and then using what I have learned in my coaching practice, I have seen some very interesting things indeed. Many people confuse defenses with boundaries. They often think that building a wall to keep others out, is truly having a boundary. Defenses are definitely ways to protect ourselves, but more often than not-they also keep us from ourselves as well. Boundaries are truly the path to self discovery. As we discover what is okay and not okay with us, we are discovering who we are.

I think of boundaries on a psychic level. Meaning that they are invisible, and the only way to know if your boundaries are violated is by feeling what is happening internally. Boundaries are VERY subtle and it takes some time listening to your inner self to really discover what is bothering you. In Patricia Evan’s book, Controlling People, she talks a lot about how often we allow other people to essentially reach in and define our own reality. I have become very aware of how often people try to step into my reality and when they do that – my boundaries are crossed. Internally I feel unsettled, annoyed and just know that “something is not right.” That is my cue to stop, be more aware and discover just what psychic boundary got crossed.

Here is an example. Yesterday I was talking on a phone to a very nice woman that I haven’t known very long. At the end of the call, for some reason she decided to give me a pep talk. I was confused for I had not conveyed to her that I needed to be uplifted, advised or otherwise inspired. She started talking to me in a way that made me uncomfortable. She was assuming that I needed help, when I had not asked for it. She was defining my reality for me, and I did not like it. I felt this and because I don’t know her that well, I just closed the call. For me, my next steps will be to watch this person and if she has this behavior again, I will gently but firmly point out to her that I am the kind of person that will be very clear when I need help, and if I need it, I will ask for it.

When someone assumes they know how you feel, or have a better sense of your reality then you do-this is a boundary violation. It is amazing to me how often we assume that we know how others feel. And so often we will take on other’s perception of us, and not even regard how we really are feeling and what exactly our present state of being truly is.

Perhaps the reason we invade each other’s boundaries so often is because we are dealing with our own struggles and through others we project and try to work this stuff out externally. We don’t do anyone any favors when we allow others to push their own boundary issues on us. Having clear and definable boundaries with others has helped me not only bring clarity to other’s motives, but it also most profoundly helps me define myself as separate from others. It has given me confidence to know that I have a right every day, every hour, every moment to be in charge of my experiences. I can certainly be open to what others might have to say, but again and again I find myself arriving in my own knowing of what is truly comfortable for me.

In sharing about boundaries I really could write volumes. In my coaching practice, I find that talking and working on boundaries to be THE most compelling part of my practice. We are not taught how to have clear boundaries. In our culture we are only taught to violate other’s boundaries and not even be aware of it. I often tell my clients to honor how they are feeling internally first and foremost, and when they do this – they will very clearly see that having boundaries is perhaps the single most powerful act of self love they can gift themselves. I work on this gift each and every day. It is a big piece of work, but one that has been the most powerful and enlightening one thus far.

To find out more about boundaries and how to have them, email sandra@innerpathcoaching.com.

Sandra is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC . She coaches people though life challenges and inspires individuals to travel their inner path where healthy change and balanced living is achieved.

Technorati Tags:Boundary Management, Boundaries, Defenses, Patricia Evans, Personal Growth, Life Coaching, Empowerment

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