Change always happens, but often times the movement of change is subtle and unnoticeable in our daily routines and distractions of daily living. Sometimes it comes in happy forms such as a new baby, a new home, or an exciting relationship. However, when change comes in the form of illness, accidents, job loss or changing relationships, we view it as more of a challenge, and often can be stuck, depressed, angry and not sure of what to do next.

This summer I found myself dealing with unwanted change and unfortunately depression soon followed it. This forced me to re-evaluate and re-direct my energy. No matter how many times I go through tough challenges I have come to understand that CHANGE IS LIFE and that I always eventually adapt. Sometimes, I just don’t like it and am not very gracious about it’s presence in my life.

The five stages of grief do come into effect with the big life changes and they are not to be denied or swept away. Change can make you cranky, tired, depressed as well as energized and ready to try new things.

It is helpful to find value and meaning within the experience. Either way, life changing events pull us to grow and often more then we want, to accept and adapt.

Useful tips when it comes to change:

• Let go of what “was” even when you don’t know what “is” yet.
• Remind yourself that often your life choices led you to the change you are experiencing.
• Change often leads to bigger and better things (even when you can’t see it or don’t want to hear it!)
• Change is always happening but we mostly notice it when we are forced to do new things.
• Accept where you are.
• Create forward motion, one step at a time.
• Realize it is OK that you might not have the answers because maybe you haven’t ever had THIS challenge before.
• Accept responsibility for your actions and be kind to yourself.
• Change is the vehicle for growth and it is simply a part of the human experience.

For the last few years I have been coming more into my own power. This process has been huge for me personally. What does that mean? Coming into my own power?

It simply means that I am learning to trust myself and make decisions based on what I know to be best for myself. Each person is a complex web of interior forces. I have certainly been confused understanding my own interior self. The more energy and awareness I spend understanding my personality, life goals and challenges, the closer I get to making decisions that are best for me–and not being swayed by other’s thoughts and opinions.

In the past, I used to allow others authority over my own reality and perceptions which often left me with more confusion, doubt and self-judgment. Occasionally, I still see myself allowing others authority, but I am quicker to see how much others sway me, and readjust to my own interior truth.

This past weekend I found myself dealing with a very angry neighbor. She had an opinion about choices I made. I listened to her, and was swayed by her opinion. I felt bullied by her anger and I was upset by our interaction. I realized about 6 hours later, that my truth did not align with hers, and her energy was not about me. In the end, I regained my balance, while still understanding her unique perspective.

Be certain that you’ll be challenged by the outside world’s logic—which won’t work for you time and time again. It takes a fair amount of self-awareness and stamina to listen to your own inner guidance about what is best for you. It takes practice but over time, I have come to understand that I don’t owe anyone an explanation of myself when I am being directed from the inside. I have come to understand that the world behind my eyes, the experiences that I have and the thoughts that I come up with have more authority for me when what the world says it is possible to experience.

I know that in order to have this authority, my internal sense of self needs to have a strong and courageous backbone from which to view my own self and direction. It takes self worth and valuing my own path in order to allow this to truly manifest fully.

Some days, when I am challenged by another’s perception of my life, I know that if I just give myself some time to listen to my own self–while still listening to them–I am directed by a power within that has wisdom, humor and the ability to change, moment to moment.

Sandra Wood works with women who want a life of empowerment and self worth. She teaches women how to create powerful boundaries, deepen their own awareness and have the courage to use their personal strengths learned through experience and self wisdom.

Technorati Tags: inner guidance, life goals, self doubt, self-empowerment, life coach, self worth

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I have spent the last four years traveling through many different modalities of healing to deepen my understanding of self. I have watched and noticed the same question arise as I have worked with counselors, healers and intuitive advisors. While I have learned a tremendous amount about myself through my work with them, I continue to listen to a familiar thread. That voice within me persists to point to my own wisdom as a far more solid place to build my life upon. When I rely too much on my advisors or healers, I am in fact creating what I most am working to avoid, co-dependence.

I have always pondered how to avoid co-dependent behavior while still being able to connect and find support through my relationships with others. To me, this is a very fine line and one I have to continually watch myself walk.

Throughout my life I have given much of my own power away when I allowed another person’s input or concept of what my journey to authentic self meant. In teaching boundary classes to our local community, I am consistently showing others how much we invade each other’s realities by assuming that we know what another person is thinking and feeling.

In our society these days, we as a collective are becoming much more intuitive. I, myself, have gained much understanding and awareness through my own growing intuition. What continues to surface is this question: Is it TRULY helpful to point out and show others deeper things about themselves if they themselves have not arrived at that understanding? And are we adding in our own interpretation when we give others our insight into their reality?

This question has me probing into the meaning of “healer” and wondering if we assume too much when we think that others are “broken” and need to be fixed. Isn’t the human journey very much about discovering who we are through our less than perfect experiences?

For me personally, I have found that when I am reaching to “fix” another person, I am in fact gaining power through the vision that I am “helpful” and I use that to make myself feel good. Of course serving others is powerful and what we humans typically strive to do. However, reflecting on our intention is a way for us to see what we are trying to fix outside of ourselves. Often times, I discover that human suffering is our path to healing and when we jump in and give others too much of our interpretation we in fact derail them from arriving at the destination that they were choosing.

I continue to arrive again and again in a place where I let go of needing others to tell me what my authentic self knows and how I should proceed forward with my life. In trusting my own imperfect interpretation of my life as flawed as it might be, at least it is my own. This gives me a deeper sense of self confidence and perhaps this is the true path to discovering my authentic self. I am most curious to discover if other healers and intuitive advisors have questioned this within themselves as well when they are working with others. The internal landscape of each person is so vast and intricate – I only hope that we can become more sensitive and aware that each person has their own answers, as I am discovering within myself.

Sandra Wood is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC. She coaches individuals who are struggling with relationships and career and want a balanced and empowered life.

Technorati Tags: Life Coaching, Boundaries, Personal Power, Authentic Self, Intuition

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By far the biggest lesson in my life has been learning not only how to have boundaries but learning what the heck boundaries are! Most people think of boundaries as a place where they learn to say no more often then saying yes.

As I have spent the last three years exploring my own boundaries, and then using what I have learned in my coaching practice, I have seen some very interesting things indeed. Many people confuse defenses with boundaries. They often think that building a wall to keep others out, is truly having a boundary. Defenses are definitely ways to protect ourselves, but more often than not-they also keep us from ourselves as well. Boundaries are truly the path to self discovery. As we discover what is okay and not okay with us, we are discovering who we are.

I think of boundaries on a psychic level. Meaning that they are invisible, and the only way to know if your boundaries are violated is by feeling what is happening internally. Boundaries are VERY subtle and it takes some time listening to your inner self to really discover what is bothering you. In Patricia Evan’s book, Controlling People, she talks a lot about how often we allow other people to essentially reach in and define our own reality. I have become very aware of how often people try to step into my reality and when they do that – my boundaries are crossed. Internally I feel unsettled, annoyed and just know that “something is not right.” That is my cue to stop, be more aware and discover just what psychic boundary got crossed.

Here is an example. Yesterday I was talking on a phone to a very nice woman that I haven’t known very long. At the end of the call, for some reason she decided to give me a pep talk. I was confused for I had not conveyed to her that I needed to be uplifted, advised or otherwise inspired. She started talking to me in a way that made me uncomfortable. She was assuming that I needed help, when I had not asked for it. She was defining my reality for me, and I did not like it. I felt this and because I don’t know her that well, I just closed the call. For me, my next steps will be to watch this person and if she has this behavior again, I will gently but firmly point out to her that I am the kind of person that will be very clear when I need help, and if I need it, I will ask for it.

When someone assumes they know how you feel, or have a better sense of your reality then you do-this is a boundary violation. It is amazing to me how often we assume that we know how others feel. And so often we will take on other’s perception of us, and not even regard how we really are feeling and what exactly our present state of being truly is.

Perhaps the reason we invade each other’s boundaries so often is because we are dealing with our own struggles and through others we project and try to work this stuff out externally. We don’t do anyone any favors when we allow others to push their own boundary issues on us. Having clear and definable boundaries with others has helped me not only bring clarity to other’s motives, but it also most profoundly helps me define myself as separate from others. It has given me confidence to know that I have a right every day, every hour, every moment to be in charge of my experiences. I can certainly be open to what others might have to say, but again and again I find myself arriving in my own knowing of what is truly comfortable for me.

In sharing about boundaries I really could write volumes. In my coaching practice, I find that talking and working on boundaries to be THE most compelling part of my practice. We are not taught how to have clear boundaries. In our culture we are only taught to violate other’s boundaries and not even be aware of it. I often tell my clients to honor how they are feeling internally first and foremost, and when they do this – they will very clearly see that having boundaries is perhaps the single most powerful act of self love they can gift themselves. I work on this gift each and every day. It is a big piece of work, but one that has been the most powerful and enlightening one thus far.

To find out more about boundaries and how to have them, email sandra@innerpathcoaching.com.

Sandra is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC . She coaches people though life challenges and inspires individuals to travel their inner path where healthy change and balanced living is achieved.

Technorati Tags:Boundary Management, Boundaries, Defenses, Patricia Evans, Personal Growth, Life Coaching, Empowerment

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