I have spent a fair amount of my life being present to people who have depression, and have sat with it myself in relation to my own hormonal changes.
I am almost nervous to write about depression for the fear that I might offend or misrepresent what depression is for others. It seems to me that it is often a condition or a result of the human experience.
This past week, I sat with one my male clients as he discussed the heaviness of his present state of living. I really had no suggestions or solutions for him, as I have come to terms with the understanding that depression is as unique as the person who is experiencing it. I cannot presume to have another person’s answers, only the compassion to sit and be available to what is currently needed.
In my study of Taoism I have come to accept not only the lovely uprisings of my life, but the low points as well. It seems such a paradigm to tell a depressed person to be fully in their experience, for often that experience is so rich in emotion and numbness that being fully present to it can be dangerous. However, often times I think we label ourselves as broken when we are just experiencing something of great depth and unfortunately of great pain.
A healer of mine once told me that my depression was ME feeling my life. With that perspective, I was able to see that perhaps my feelings had the most wisdom of all. Somehow that perspective allowed me to ease my way into the understanding that my life has patterns and while depression is not my favorite pattern, it has something to teach me.
Perhaps, I won’t need this heaviness as a teacher as I travel more inward into my own lovely and confusing landscape. Lately, my acceptance and understanding of my own ups and downs seems to have given me a bit more ease when I am clenched around something that seems so difficult or painful.
A good friend of mine who has shared a lot of his experiences with me regarding depression once told me that often others want to fix depression because then everything will be “okay”. This idea in itself sends the message that we need to be fixed. I have found it most profound that when I am present to others in my coaching, I have the wisdom to know that nobody needs to be fixed, and that we aren’t broken in the first place. He suggested to me that depression might just be a part of what we experience as we walk into deeper realizations and learn to express ourselves more completely. We can allow awareness to flood our life, and perhaps that awareness comes through the journey of depression. His words ring true to me, as I have taken them inward.
It is tremendously challenging to be loving to self while depressed. For me, that has been the practice – staying aware of all that is arising, while being present to the knowing that even while I am experiencing depression, I am not the depression itself.
I can only hope that others with this experience can feel that wisdom from within and know that beyond this experience, they are so much more.
Sandra Wood is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC. She coaches women who are struggling with relationships and career and want a balanced and empowered life.
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