I have spent a fair amount of my life being present to people who have depression, and have sat with it myself in relation to my own hormonal changes.
I am almost nervous to write about depression for the fear that I might offend or misrepresent what depression is for others. It seems to me that it is often a condition or a result of the human experience.
This past week, I sat with one my male clients as he discussed the heaviness of his present state of living. I really had no suggestions or solutions for him, as I have come to terms with the understanding that depression is as unique as the person who is experiencing it. I cannot presume to have another person’s answers, only the compassion to sit and be available to what is currently needed.
In my study of Taoism I have come to accept not only the lovely uprisings of my life, but the low points as well. It seems such a paradigm to tell a depressed person to be fully in their experience, for often that experience is so rich in emotion and numbness that being fully present to it can be dangerous. However, often times I think we label ourselves as broken when we are just experiencing something of great depth and unfortunately of great pain.
A healer of mine once told me that my depression was ME feeling my life. With that perspective, I was able to see that perhaps my feelings had the most wisdom of all. Somehow that perspective allowed me to ease my way into the understanding that my life has patterns and while depression is not my favorite pattern, it has something to teach me.
Perhaps, I won’t need this heaviness as a teacher as I travel more inward into my own lovely and confusing landscape. Lately, my acceptance and understanding of my own ups and downs seems to have given me a bit more ease when I am clenched around something that seems so difficult or painful.
A good friend of mine who has shared a lot of his experiences with me regarding depression once told me that often others want to fix depression because then everything will be “okay”. This idea in itself sends the message that we need to be fixed. I have found it most profound that when I am present to others in my coaching, I have the wisdom to know that nobody needs to be fixed, and that we aren’t broken in the first place. He suggested to me that depression might just be a part of what we experience as we walk into deeper realizations and learn to express ourselves more completely. We can allow awareness to flood our life, and perhaps that awareness comes through the journey of depression. His words ring true to me, as I have taken them inward.
It is tremendously challenging to be loving to self while depressed. For me, that has been the practice – staying aware of all that is arising, while being present to the knowing that even while I am experiencing depression, I am not the depression itself.
I can only hope that others with this experience can feel that wisdom from within and know that beyond this experience, they are so much more.
Sandra Wood is founder and owner of Inner Path Coaching, LLC. She coaches women who are struggling with relationships and career and want a balanced and empowered life.
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I share your same fear that others will be offended and applaud your willingness to express your true feelings on the possibilities of depression having a positive side. I have gone so far as to write a book called “The Depression Advantage” that is of a similar concept.
Depression was central to many saints transformation. In my book, I write about Saint Teresa of Avila, Saint Anthony, Milarepa, Saint John of the Cross, and Saint Francis. All of them said that pain was the part of their lives that made the most difference.
Thank you for the courage to lead the way on a new way of looking at life that includes hardship as legitimate.
Tom Wootton
http://www.bipolaradvantage.com
Comment by Tom Wootton — August 14, 2007 @ 10:49 am
My own experience with depression has made me see it as a blessing rather than a burden. Depression has led me to rearrange my inner map from time to time, and the most severe bouts with depression have come when I needed to change the most. I have gone from being a very selfish, cold, self-centered person, to being one that is capable of love, vulnerability, and far less fear. Life seems far more complex and sacred now that I see a spiritual reality sustaining the world we live in. Sadly, when I try to explain it to others they think I’m a bit off. Recently, a young member of our family was diagnosed with depression, and I have insisted that the family not pathologize his condition. I’m not sure the rest of the family believes me–they are so sure that we have bad genes–but perhaps books like “The Depression Advantage” will help change that.
Comment by Ana Marshall — November 23, 2007 @ 4:49 pm
When I turned 50 it was almost as if a new person showed up inside me. At first I labeled it hormonal. Then I labeled it fatigue and just plain tired. I labeled it being out of balance. The counselor labeled depression and said I was grieving over my losses in life. I labeled it burn out. After six months of inward reflection this is what I learned about me…I was afraid that I could no longer face my life and shift to the next level, that I could not face the ‘giants” I had to slay and that I was stuck.
This was a great insight for me and once I put my finger on it, it left me completely. With prayers and journaling I was able to pick up the pieces, own that truth and move forward in my life. It left as suddenly as it came. Just wanted to share my experience…there was something I needed to face and it was fear dressed up in the prom gown of depression.
Sharmaine
Comment by Sharmaine — August 19, 2008 @ 5:59 pm
Thanks for the great comment. I have come to understand that for me, depression usually bears a gift-a reminder that there is something for me to see. For you, it sounds like it gave you insight and with it’s presence helped you shift into a better place. Depression looks like a lot of things: fear, and false truths about ourselves. I have to constantly remind myself that I AM NOT the depression-it is simply an experience I am having. This way, depression doesn’t control my life. It is just something to treat.
Comment by innerpathcoaching — August 24, 2008 @ 8:15 pm